


Crossed a Little in Love

by Gingersnap



Category: Pride and Prejudice & Related Fandoms, Pride and Prejudice (1995), Pride and Prejudice (2005), Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Genre: F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Pride and Prejudice References, elaboration
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-09-06 10:33:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8747149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gingersnap/pseuds/Gingersnap
Summary: Elizabeth's perspective of her own fall for Mr. Darcy. *Elaborations and fun additions to the story we all know and love.





	1. Chapter One: The Proposal Debacle

 

“Iloveyou.” he mumbled almost inaudibly. "Most ardently. Please do me the honor of accepting my hand.”

He could knock me down with a feather. Where on earth is this proposal coming from?

I can not believe he is making an offer of marriage after just listing off detailed, repugnant reasons why he shouldn’t.  
I try to keep composed and reject him as gently as my wits allow, yet he seems shocked by my reply and is inquiring further explanation.

“I might as well inquire why you told me you liked me against your better judgement!”

Just as I think it’s starting to sink in as I question him on multiple offenses, he of course becomes defensive, even going so far as to negatively mention my father and further insult Wickham. A fury rises in me and before I can stop myself, the words are flying from my mouth..

“From the moment I met you, your arrogance and conceit and your selfish distain for the feelings of others made me realize you are the last man in the world I could ever be prevailed upon to marry!”

I thought I would feel triumphant after my speech, yet I feel nothing but anguish. Immediately I regret my outburst. It was unlady-like and exaggerated. Truthfully, I do find him handsome. I even think about him often. Not always in the warmest regard, but he crosses my mind from time to time.

I know what I’ve just said has wounded his pride. I’ve implied he is no gentleman at all. A larger insult than the scruples he’s shared about my circumstances. He’s not completely wrong. Though, he was wrong to say it aloud, I should think. Especially designed into his proposal-it’s a wonder he thought I’d accept it.

He leans in closer to me, searching my eyes. For what, I’m not certain. Honesty?  The urge to soothe that wounded look in his eye is overwhelming, as is his close proximity. The deepest part of me is internally begging him to kiss me and I’m not sure why.

I don’t remember deciding to close the distance between us but of a sudden, my lips are on his and my arms are wrapped round his neck. I’ve never kissed a man before, but this is almost hostile. Both of us pushing all of our present feelings into this kiss. After a few mere seconds, I feel his hands on my hips, pulling me closer to him at first then all too quickly pushing me away.

Confusion swept across both of our faces as he lingers, almost still touching my lips with his. His grasp moves to my forearms as he grazes his lips along my cheek to reach my ear,

“Forgive me Madam, for taking up so much of your time.” and with that, he turned and left me in the rain.

Not certain what just happened or where we stand.

…

 

I somehow made my way back to Charlotte’s house and studied myself in the mirror. Ashamed of my behavior, I hardly recognize myself.

I almost pity Mr. Darcy who, even in his poor attempt, confessed his suffering of adoration for me just to be rudely rejected then confused with affection.  
I shall die of embarrassment! It’d be scarcely less painful to throw myself off the nearest cliff!

Deep in my brooding, I didn’t hear Darcy walk in until he spoke, placing me in a state of shock. I was not expecting anyone to be here and I’m too mortified to face him. Not sure what else to do, I just stand here with my back to him and let him leave his letter. Just as I get the courage to turn around, he’s already riding away.

I quickly open his letter and tears immediately stream down my face as I read his explanations of the offenses I laid against him, a deep pit of anxiety growing in my abdomen.

What have I done?

I suspect he will no longer be at Rosings when I wake in the morning but I need to somehow explain my impertinence now that my temper has simmered.

I begin a reply.

 

_Dear Mr. Darcy,_

_Let me begin by admitting I have likely earned myself many sleepless nights due to my behavior at Rosings. I fear I will feel the bitter taste of regret for my harsh words for the rest of my life. As of yet, I am not able to excuse your brash admissions regarding my family but upon further thought of the situation, I find that I am flattered by your feelings- even if you do feel them “against your better judgement."_

_I do so hope, though I did not wound your ego terribly. You possess many credible qualities, and even if it were at the expense of my sister, you have proven yourself a most loyal friend._

_Sometimes you seem so hardened that in my moment of anger I didn’t think you could be wounded at all. But, reciting our conversations all night in my mind, I see clearly my retort was less than lady like and I must apologize._

_If I may offer a compliment as a peace offering, any woman would be privileged to have you by her side. One of which is better suited to your rank and family’s expectation. There are many reasons she would be so fortunate, and I am not referring to your salary. I mean that in earnest. Though it may have stung to hear it, you weren’t wrong in your introduction to your proposal._  
_I am inferior._

_As for your forthcomings of Wickham, I don’t quite know what to say, as I am feeling foolish. How unfortunate for you sister! I have heard nothing but most pleasant things regarding her character and though I have yet to meet her, I feel as though I know her and can now understand the betrayal you felt._

_I barely know Mr. Wickham and I admit, I was smitten upon our first meeting, but it looks as though I am not the best judge of character in every case. I appreciate the clarity and thank you for sharing such a personal trial._

_I pray you did not read sarcasm in the tone of this letter as I have been truthful in all things written._  
_I’ve grown to think fondly of you and as my friend I feel terrible for the way I treated you. I hope you don’t harbor further resentment, that we can meet again civilly one day._

_My warmest wishes to you and your sister, Mr. Darcy._

_Yours,_

_Elizabeth Bennet_

 

I wonder when I could get this letter to him, or where I’d even have it delivered. I do my best to fall asleep and finally drift off into a most uncomfortable night’s rest.

 


	2. Chapter Two: Misery of the Acutest Kind

I woke early to see if I could catch Mr. Darcy to deliver my letter before he leaves, but as expected he had already departed Rosings before I had the chance.

I set out to find a mail coach to post my letter. Waiting a few days for it to reach him is torture enough, let alone waiting for a reply. It’s possible I would be waiting indefinitely as a reply may never come. I may have to live with this matter forever unresolved. I’m not even certain time could heal this agony.

I have much enjoyed my visit with Charlotte but my spirits are not good company, and I am exhausted from social interaction. Mrs. Catherine De Bourgh's high demands and judgments nearly did me in from the one meeting I had with her. I don’t think I could endure another.

“Charlotte. I have loved seeing you. I’m so happy you have a comfortable home and I can see you have developed warm feelings for my cousin, for which I am happy! You are a better woman than I.”

“Oh, Lizzy. I could choose to be miserable or I could choose to be happy. I choose the latter. I know he can be ridiculous and at time I wish I could cork him mid-sentence, but he is truly genuine. He’s a good man, Lizzy. I’m grateful.”

  
My heart swells for my friend. Her attitude on life is always a positive one and I miss her wisdom and friendship back home.  
“I could not be more happy for you, my dear Charlotte. I can see he pleases you-I hope in more ways than one..” I add with a wink and we both chortle.

“Lizzy! That is very unlady like of you to say” Charlotte scolds sarcastically. “I will share this, though. It is quite painful if you don’t make to enjoy it…”

She continues on about her experiences but I must admit I did not want to hear. I still found my cousin revolting and want better for my friend, but as long as she’s happy with her choice.

Later that evening I packed my things and made arrangements for my travels home the day following.

The coach ride home in April showers makes for a long, miserable, bumpy trip. It only adds to worsen my mood. Normally, I love the rain but right now it seems redundant. Like my feelings have become so exterior it’s affecting the weather and it’s a bit excessive.

 

When I reach home, I don’t even bother to tell anybody of seeing Darcy. I don’t know how my being proposed to first would affect Jane. A proposal I didn’t even accept, at that.  
My beloved sister is nothing if not supportive, loving and kind but I don’t want to cause her any more discomfort surrounding the idea of marriage

…

 

It’s been apparent to everyone that something is quite off with me, despite my attempts to seem cheerful. My father is the only one who doesn’t ask. He knows me best and can console me without prying. I find such comfort with my father. Mother on the other hand strikes a prominent nerve and I often find myself avoiding her company. I don’t possess the patience for mindless chatter at the moment.  
Kitty and Lydia have driven me almost mad. I’ve been trying to spend more time with Mary but I think her bitterness may be rubbing off on me. I’m starting to understand her perspectives much too well.

“What are men compared to rocks and mountains”

…Precisely, dear Mary. Precisely.

It’s been months and I’m bored living in misery. I try keeping myself busy with miscellaneous employments but the torment of rejecting Mr. Darcy’s proposal haunts me every waking minute. I am slightly irritated with myself for letting this brood for so long. I scarcely let anyone's opinions be a bother to me. I'm not sure why I've dwelt on this for so long, or why of a sudden his good opinion is of value to me. Perhaps because he has once admitted a good opinion lost is lost forever. That indefinite statement isn't sitting well with me. I can't rest with how things were left.  
I gave up on waiting to receive a reply about a month after I sent mine. I assume it’s possible my letter never reached him, but not likely. Sometimes I wonder, had our first meeting been more agreeable, my answer might have been different.

 

…

 

A few dull weeks later, my Aunt and Uncle came for a visit and invited me to summer with them for a tour to the lakes. My Aunt bluntly pointed out that I had a bitterness settling within me and some sight seeing might do me good. Perhaps she’s right. Agreeing to join them, I set out to pack my things.

 

I must admit, traveling has been very entertaining and there is so much of the world to see! It’s been a great diversion for my spirits to be out of doors again.  
Today I took a lovely walk to the cliffside and let the breeze hold me as I lean against the wind-pretending I am weightless. I relish in the sun absorbing into my skin. I begin to think I can move past these recent tribulations regarding Mr. Darcy. I can’t help but think of him though, even still. I wonder how he’s getting on. Is he quite over me? Has he recovered from the horrendous words I expressed? I wonder how he manages his time. What hobbies he employs. I should think him very busy and I am probably long forgotten.  
Indeed, such an eligible man would surely have a more accomplished woman in mind by now. The thought jabs at my stomach for some odd reason. But, I do so wish him happiness.

Almost as if reading Darcy on my mind, my Aunt pointed out that we are near Derbyshire and she would much like to visit Pemberly. If the universe is not out to laugh at my expense then I am no more a woman than peacock.

I do my best to object but the only quick reason my poor excuse for a brain can come up with is..

“I’d rather not..he’s so…he’s so rich.”

Is this really the best I could do? I pride myself on my quick wit, but when it comes to Mr. Darcy apparently I’m incapable of intelligence.

“Goodness, Lizzy, what a snob you are! Objecting to Mr. Darcy because of his wealth!? The poor man can’t help it..” my uncle jested, making an inarguable point.

“These great men are never at home anyway!” added my aunt.

And so, we head to Pemberly.


	3. Chapter 3: Encouraging Affection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elizabeth and Darcy's unexpected meet at Pemberley and a slight turn of events..

Chapter 3: Encouraging Affection.

 

I knew Darcy was rich, but I suppose my "inferior circumstances” limit the capability to imagine a home as grand as his was. I could never have dreamt of a finer manor. It’s absolutely breathtaking. The garden alone is miles wide and the house looks as if it could fit at least a dozen of mine inside it.  
This could have all been mine, I laugh to myself. Not that I’m not one to pine for such fine things and wealth but the humor in this is that Mr. Darcy ever considered me in the first place. No wonder his proposal speech started out the way it did. Look at what he’s used to! I’m practically a vagrant in comparison.

During the tour, I could not pull my gaze away from one thing to the next fast enough and kept getting left behind. I felt she was rushing us through and I would much like to spend all day here and study each room.  
I end up getting completely sidetracked while admiring a statue of Darcy, and they once again moved on with out me. I decided to take myself through the rest of the house at my own pace. I could catch up later.  
I’m distracted when I hear music coming from one of the walls.  
Peering through the crack in the door, I see a long haired blonde, flawlessly playing the pianoforte. Could this be Georgiana? I should back away now before she sees me, but before I can make myself move- in walks no other than Mr. Darcy with a radiant smile, pulling her into a brotherly embrace. My brain alarms me to sneak off before I’m seen but my body has stopped responding and I can’t take my eyes away from Mr. Darcy. I’ve never seen him this jovial. In fact, it just occurred to me I don’t believe I’ve ever seen him smile. I’m captivated by it, seeing him carefree and happy. A sigh must have escaped my mouth because they both turn and see me. I look like an absolute mad woman watching behind the door.- I can’t bear the embarrassment and run out. Just as I think I’ve made off scot free, I hear his voice call after me.

“Miss Elizabeth!”

As much as I want to continue running, I halt and turn around.

He looks as nervous as I am. And confused.  
We stumble over each other’s sentences in an awkward dance of jumbled words.

“I’m so sorry to intrude..they said the house was open to visitors and my aunt insisted we-“

he shakes his head in dismissal…  
“It’s no imposition. I’m pleased you’re here. I'm only a little surprised.”

“Tomorrow we go to Matlock..” I say curtly, trying to move this clumsy meeting along.

He looks disappointed.  
“May I see you back to the village?”

“No!” I reply too haughty. He looks wounded. “I mean, it’s just- I’m very fond of walking…”

“Yes! Yes, I know..” He replies with a smile and I find it is working to calm my nerves. “I was hoping, if you don’t mind, maybe I could join you?”

I don’t see how I can say no. I’ve already rejected one of his offers. I just hope he doesn’t feel obligated to accompany me. I’m perfectly capable of seeing myself back.  
I suppose it is only a small sacrifice to allow him to be obliging.

“Not at all. That is, if it’s no inconvenience to you, sir.” I try to sound contrite, but in truth my stomach is churning. I just want to hide under the nearest rock from humiliation of this intrusion.

“I would be most happy to cancel any previous engagements even had they existed to make sure you were returned safely.” He said with a smirk. 

Something is certainly different about him. He seems more sure of himself, or he must sense my embarrassment and maybe he is trying to relieve it. 

“Do I come across helpless?” I tease, trying to shift my attitude as we begin walking.

“Your independence is as always admirable, Miss Elizabeth but even you must fall victim to fatigue from time to time. Growing up in these woods I’ve learned from experience- there is a bitter chill once night falls. I wouldn’t want you catching cold when I could have prevented it by merely escorting you.” He replies very literally, not sensing my sarcasm per usual. How odd it would be to see him in a joking manner.  
I must say though, his somberness becomes him. At first I thought he was a miserable man but now I see that he is just apprehensive and extremely intellectual.  
We carry on dialogue as we walk and I realize I hardly know Mr. Darcy. I thought maybe he didn’t have much to say at all but I’m now seeing he had no opportunity to share as he is not as naturally comfortable or open a book as I.

I was much enjoying our conversations during our walk. I found myself wanting to slow our pace so it could last just a bit longer- the village was in view now, maybe another mile or two. 

After a few moments of walking in silence, he brought it up.

“I received your letter.” He says and I look down at my hands as I mindlessly fidget with the hem of my sleeve. He continues..  
"I made several attempts to respond but none of which were sufficient enough to send.” 

I can’t speak at the moment as I’m certain my voice will betray me, I feel I could burst into tears at any second. Months of desperately waiting for a reply and the reason was on him, not I. 

I simply nod in response, but that must not have been enough for him because he stopped us, briskly grabbing my arm to pull me to him before crushing his lips to mine.

I couldn’t pull away, even if I wanted to. His grasp was strong and forceful, his lips persistent against mine. His hand slid confidently around my waist while his other made its way up into the hair just above my neck. When he realized I wasn’t rejecting his attempts, he deepened the kiss as I wrapped my arms around his broad shoulders, heat urging me. I press my body as close to his as humanly possible and it does something to him. Not taking his lips from mine, he walks me backward until my back is pressed up against a tree. He roughly lifts me against it and I instinctively wrap my legs around him as he presses himself to me. I move my mouth to catch my breath but that doesn’t stop him as he makes his way down my neck and collar. A groan escapes me and it snaps him out of our momentarily throe of passion.  
He gently slides me down his body, and holds my face in his hands, both of our breathing ragged.

“Forgive me.” He whispers with his eyes closed, forehead resting against mine.

Still trying to catch our breath, he spoke again before I could think of anything to say. I wasn’t at all expecting that and was at a complete loss for words.

“ I…I don’t know what’s come over me. I just couldn’t stop myself from feeling your lips against mine once more. I was beginning to think I’d imagined it the first time.” He admitted while turning away from me now, straightening himself back up.

“Sir, I..” I started but I still just didn’t know what to say. There was so much left unspoken from the situation at Rosings. …  
“You are forgiven, if I am. Indeed we have both been very improper in our actions. I recall this is much like what I did after my rejection. Although, this encounter was much more enjoyable in my opinion.” I admit, surprised I am able to look him in the eye while I say it, though I’m sure I am blushing.

He just looks at me with an expression of what, adoration? He realizes he’s staring and quickly nods in agreement. He snaps out of his gaze and takes hold of my hand. I thought maybe he was going to kiss it but he just looks at it, slowly stroking the top with his thumb.

“You were right to be upset with me.” He begins, still looking down at our hands. "I acted foolishly with regards to your sister and Mr. Bingley, even if I thought it was the right thing in the moment. I knew I loved you then and part of me was trying to cut all ties before my own feelings got out of control, and that included cutting ties through Charles. I’ve since explained the truth to my friend and he has shown mercy by forgiving me. Though, he is worried he’s lost your sister forever, and it’s my fault..”  
I want to interject but I can see he is not finished so I allow him continue..  
Mr. Darcy looks up at me now, looking pained.

“You said in your letter how embarrassed you were of your behavior but it is I who is mortified for mine. I completely jinxed the proposal from the very opening line. It didn’t even occur to me that it was insulting. I was very nervous and believe me, the rehearsal of it all went way better than how it actually presented.” He says with what I think must be humor laced in his voice. “My next offer will be more amenable.”

His next offer? Does he mean to someone else? Or to me again? Either option are equally terrifying as I am not prepared for either. To think of him marrying someone strangely stirs a jealousy in me. Am I falling for Mr. Darcy? I know when we kiss I’m in raptures but are we there yet?  
In order to avoid looking tense and put on the spot, I try to put us back on track to finishing our walk before he gets carried away.

“No need to dwell on it another moment, sir. It’s been months and I think we’ve established I hardly hate you.” I tease as I slide my arm in his, redirecting us back to the path.  
“and I believe you were right, it does get much chillier here than Hertfordshire.”

The hint sets in and he composes himself back into his formal state as we finally make our way back to the village.

I sneak past into my room as Darcy makes himself known to my aunt and uncle. He’s gone by the time I emerge.

“Lizzy! We’ve just met Mr. Darcy! You didn’t tell us that you’d seen him! He’s invited us to dine with him! He particularly wants you to meet his sister!” My aunt exclaims.

“You don’t mind delaying our trip another day, do you?” My uncle asks, as mere formality. Even if I wished to say no, we would be dining with the Darcys tomorrow.

I must admit, a flutter of excitement blooms within me at the thought of seeing him again, and soon.


	4. Chumming with the Darcys

I went to sleep content that night. Twice now, Darcy and I have kissed. Will there be a third? I find this strange though, under our circumstances.  
Propriety has certainly been overlooked. We don’t live near one another, yet we can’t seem to stay away for long. How odd must it have been to be surprised by my presence in his home. I go to sleep wondering if Mr. Darcy was up thinking of me as I am of him.

 

The next morning, I’m up and dressed before everyone. Although, I don’t want to seem too eager. I grab a few grapes and mosey around the garden of the Rose and Crown while I wait for my aunt and uncle.

First thing we do when we arrive is meet his sister. She’s peppier than I’d imagined her. Very friendly and full of exuberance. I instantly adore her.

Mr. Darcy’s entire demeanor has changed. He is smiling and oddly light hearted. It is a true joy to see him this way. Why on earth isn’t he always like this? It’s certainly more amiable. He would have no problem making new acquaintances if his behavior was always as such.  
I feel I am under scrutiny, though. Every time I look up, his eyes are on me. I find that there are butterflies in my stomach each time my eye catches his. 

Mr. Darcy offers fishing to my uncle which of course delights him and I am left to his sister who is insisting I play duets with her. I strangely don’t mind, though and end up becoming fast friends with her.

........................

 

Once my uncle and Mr. Darcy returned from their outing, Darcy accompanied us back to the Rose and Crown where we all sat and dined together.  
Mr. Darcy sat next to me again, just as he did at Rosings. This table being a bit smaller, our shoulders would graze ever so lightly, sparking heat in my skin each time. My aunt and uncle on the opposite side and Georgiana directly across from me. It felt odd that Darcy and I should have our own side of the table. He hadn’t let much distance go between the two of us since he returned. Almost as if a string tethered us only a few feet apart. His sister had been exchanging curious looks with him since we arrived this morning.

We finished our first course and nearly all of Darcy’s attention has been on me. Only contributing to the conversations elsewhere when asked a question. 

While awaiting our final course, my uncle began one of his favorite tales to tell of. I’d heard it a thousand times- when he was robbed by a highway man, claiming to have fought him off. 

I could feel Darcy looking at me in the corner of his eye, but in order to avoid attention from everyone else, I kept my eyes straight to seem as though I was paying attention. I did however glance in the corner at him and I could not stop myself from smiling.

I saw the edge of his mouth lift just slightly in the corner of my eye and at the same time, he boldly placed his hand on my knee under the table.  
This is most improper but after yesterday’s encounter, I hardly flinch. In fact, I place my hand over his, and slightly direct it higher to my thigh. I remove my hand and he takes matters into his own and continues trailing up. He gets just almost to the place that craves his touch and curls his hand around the inside of my thigh, just casually holding to me. I find myself trying to adjust the lower part of my body to meet his hand. My heart is beating out of my chest with desire. His hand is so close, yet so far. I cross my legs around his hand, fastening him to me. I don’t even know the reason for wanting these things but my body is calling to him. 

Suddenly, my uncle addresses me.

“Are you alright, Lizzy?”

Realizing I must be doing something very odd with my expression, Darcy squeezes my leg and I force myself to compose my face.

“Yes, yes. I was just..” Darcy lodges his hand deeper in between my crossed thighs and I have to gasp for air before finishing my sentence. He snorts under his breath as I try to finish my explanation… "my mind took off on it’s own accord thinking of where we will travel next..”  
He rubs small circles on the top of my thigh with his thumb and I worry everyone can tell something is going on between us. He’s been smiling much too much for what we expect of Mr. Darcy and I’m being unusually quiet. 

My uncle shrugs me off and goes back to telling his tales. Darcy leans over to me to speak just soft enough for me to hear.

“Excuse yourself to the ladies room and meet me in the library.” He says just before getting up to 'catch a friend he saw leaving' as he explained to the table. My aunt and uncle didn’t notice as they were in close attentions with Georgiana’s story of her summer in Bathe.

I take one more sip of wine and do as I’m told almost immediately and start looking for the library.  
I must have gotten lost because I ended up in a dark hallway, no library in sight.

“Miss Elizabeth. I don’t believe this is the library. But it will do for present."  
Mr. Darcy says from behind me as he slides his hands up my arms to my shoulders. I tilt my head to the side instinctively, somehow knowing his lips would find my neck. He wraps his arms around to my torso and ribcage.  
With each kiss and caress I find myself melting further into him. I sigh and turn to face him.  
He crushes me closer to him as he takes my lips to his once more. I can tell by his arousal this will get carried away if one of us does not make to stop it. It certainly doesn’t seem to me that Darcy plans to stop at all, as he currently has a hand trailing up my dress, further than he was at the table. I let him fondle me much longer than I care to admit before speaking up.

“We…We have to stop.” I pant out, torturing myself by making him halt the desired contact.

He rests his forehead to mine, breathing heavily as he retracts his hand from my skirts. 

“Forgive me again, Miss Elizabeth. I thought you wanted.... I…I don’t know what happens to me when I’m near you.” He stutters out..  
"You should stay away from me...”  
He mutters as he turns on his heel.

I’m left once more, wondering and wanting when a lady's maid brings me a letter from my sister.

A travesty. Lydia has run away with Mr. Wickham. I run in to tell my aunt and uncle- Darcy looks like he was on his way out. Before he could escape out the door, I burst into tears and confessed the scandal to everyone in the room.

“What... could I help you?” Darcy whispers as he approaches nearer to me.

“Sir, I think it is too late.”

“This is very grave, indeed. I will leave you.”  
and he walked out the door.

We made fast arrangements to leave and I was home as soon as the morning rose. Would I see Mr. Darcy again? How easily his pride is wounded! He wasn't wrong. I did want him to..

......................... 

I do my best to console my obnoxious mother as she wails on about the woes of life. This scandal has embarrassed her horribly and she has hardly left her bed. I know my mood is mirroring hers but for different reasons. Depression washes over me when I am not near Mr. Darcy. I see that now. 


	5. Patched

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *I do not own any lines or characters used from the movie/book.

News of my sister’s marriage had arrived. At last, the matter was resolved. Barely, but resolved nonetheless.

I am not surprised by Lydia one bit, or by Wickham to be truthful. Had Mr. Darcy not awarded me clarity of Mr. Wickham’s true character I would have been perplexed by the whole charade, but actually it all seems rather fitting. As much as it pains me to speak ill of my own sister, he is absolutely Lydia’s equal.

There is a part of me that holds bitterness, that he and I once shared affection for one another, and here he is with my younger sister. But upon further thought, (aside from his titles and money) I see now that Mr. Darcy was a better fit all along.

Mr. Darcy...

Mr. Darcy.

What would have happened had I not turned down his last attempts to seduce me? My virtue would have been his that instant, I know it. We could be married by now. Surely he wouldn’t rob my virtue and not marry me? Is that what I want? To be Mrs. Darcy? I can strangely think of nothing else... 

 

At supper, Lydia didn’t wait long to boast her raptures and adventures with Wickham. She made sure to rub every ridiculous detail in our faces, none of us paying her much attention except of course, our mother and Kitty.

I was doing my best not to listen until I heard Mr. Darcy’s name casually spill from her mouth.

“Mr. Darcy?” I asked, not sure if I heard correctly..

“He was the one who discovered us. He paid for the wedding and everything!” Lydia replied.

I was in disbelief.

“Mr. Darcy!?” I repeated..genuinely shocked.

“Hush Lizzie! He told me not to tell. Mr. Darcy isn’t as high and mighty as he seems sometimes..”

Dumbfounded, I knew. I knew he rushed off that evening to patch this up for my family. For me. Why else? He holds nothing but disdain for Wickham. 

At bedtime, I nearly confided in my dear Jane. I mentioned that I’d seen Mr. Darcy and was immediately reminded that this could cause her pain. Remembering Bingley. I blew out the candle and went to bed instead. She didn’t pry.

………………..

A few, long days later we were just starting to get back into our normal routine. We had all been worried sick for Lydia and it was nice to at last, relax.

My sisters, mother and I were enjoying some quiet time in the sitting room when Kitty ran in screaming,   
“He’s here! He’s here, Mr. Bingley!”   
“and he’s here with Mr. Pompous something or other”

Knowing full well who she meant, I jumped out of my seat and ran to the window with everyone else.   
It was, in fact Mr. Darcy with Mr. Bingley. What were they both doing here? A wave of anxiety as well as relief washed over me. I didn’t care why he was here. I just knew I needed to see him.

We straightened ourselves up quick as we could and did our best to look presentable by the time they were announced into the room.

Mr. Darcy looked at me but once, and quickly averted his eyes to my mother who per usual would not shut up. Poor Jane. I suspect they are here for the shooting and being cordial by stopping by. But it would be nice if my mother would not embarrass Jane further by drawing attention to her.

I interject as soon as I see the opportunity...  
“Are you well Mr. Darcy?” 

“Quite well, thank you.”   
He replies. Short.

“I hope the weather stays fine for your sport.” I add, wanting him to engage into further conversation with me. Seems he is in a taciturn mood at present.

“I return to town tomorrow.” He says, concise.

“So soon..” I say, disappointment implied in my tone and his gaze lingering on mine. It seems he is catching the hint that he is wanted here before Bingley interrupts our exchange.  
Out of nowhere Bingley excuses them in the most odd behavior, only to return again within the same hour. This time he came without Darcy, much to my dismay.

He got straight to the point. He requested a private audience with Jane, and proposed. I could not be more happy for my sister, but part of me feels abandoned. Why didn’t Mr. Darcy return with Bingley? Will I see him again? Maybe he is quite over me? 

I make an immense effort to forget about him for the time being so I may dedicate my energy to being excited with my sister. It was the happiest day of her life. I can’t help but think, this was also at the hands of Darcy. I am not one to be affected with self importance but why else would he help Lydia and Jane? He had to have talked to Bingley about Jane and corrected his own faults.

Yet, he isn’t here. 

 

That night, I can not fall to sleep. Good thing, too because at half past ten, Lady De Bourgh is pounding on my front door, demanding a word with me.

To my surprise, she is here to ream me about a rumor of Darcy and I being engaged. To some of her accusations there is truth. As to not get Darcy into hot water, I find ways to avoid answering some of her more direct questions.

“and can you promise you will never enter into such an engagement?” She asks, almost victoriously.

“I will not and I certainly never shall.” I couldn’t resist. But after all the insults she has cost me and my family tonight, let her stew on that.

Once she was gone, I needed to wind down. I decided to write to Mr. Darcy. I would have to be very forthcoming or I feel his pride will not allow him to come back to me. 

 

 

Dear Mr. Darcy,

A recent amends to Lydia’s scandal has been brought to my attention and I believe you’ve had something to do with it. I know you do not want the credit, but I must thank you, sir. It means everything to my family.

I was ever glad to see you when you stopped by with Mr. Bingley- which I’m sure you played a part in his proposing. Jane is beyond herself, as am I for her. How can I ever thank you? I have only one complaint. Why did you not stay?

I’m going to be very frank. There are words I would rather express in person but I am too impatient, and you left so quickly, I worry it will be long before I will get the chance to see you again.  
I hope this letter portrays a parallel idea of how I’m feeling.

I must tell you, Mr. Darcy. I've missed you. I’ve thought of nothing else since coming home. 

I need to see you.   
I need you.  
Could this be made possible, I beg? May I come to you? 

One more thing that has been on my mind since our last encounter.  
I did not ask you to stop out of lack of want on my part. Believe me, I did want it. I do, still. It was torture to ask you to stop. Every moment I think of your hands on me.  
This situation in it’s entirety has just been so confusing, wouldn’t you agree?

But it’s all come together for me.   
I know now. I love you. 

I love you.

There is so much more I want to say that would be better expressed in person.

I will anxiously await your reply.

Yours,  
Elizabeth.

 

I fold up my letter and put it in a safe keeping box under my bed until the morning when I can leave to post it.

…………………..

I lay in bed for hours, a complete sleepless night. I wait until I hear the birds singing, grab my letter and coat and head out to leisurely walk into town to post my letter.

I don’t even think I walked a mile before I see on the horizon, a Mr. Darcy mirage. Could it be him? Really? It’s barely dawn. What ever is he doing walking out here at dawn?  
Stopped dead in my tracks, I wait for him to disappear into thin air. Am I going mad today from lack of sleep?  
It isn’t until he reaches me that I realize, I’m not dreaming him up. He’s here. Baffled, I don’t quite have my wits.

“I couldn’t sleep.” is what I managed to mutter.

“Nor I. My aunt..”

“Yes, she was here.” I say sheepishly.

“How can I ever make amends for such behavior?” he replied, sounding contrite.

“After what you did for Lydia…   
... and I suspect for Jane also, it is I who should be making amends.”

“You must know. Surely you must know, it was all for you.” He confessed.

I knew this, but I still couldn’t find much to say, as I was exhausted and overwhelmed with feeling.

He goes on...  
“You are too generous to trifle with me. I believe you spoke with my aunt last night and it has taunt me to hope, as I scarcely allowed myself before. If your feelings still are as they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever…"

I feel as though I could faint. I can see that he is nervous and this is difficult for him to be vulnerable again with me. I give him an encouraging, but subtle beam for him to continue.

“If, however your feelings have changed, I must tell you, you have bewitched me body and soul and I love,   
I love,   
I love you.   
I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.”

My heart could explode. I am still having a hard time being verbose. This is the proposal I have been longing for. I take a step forward and embrace his hand.  
“Well then..” He looks at me in disbelief as I kiss his finger where his wedding band will be.

He held me in his embrace, letting the sun wash over and warm us as it rose. 

…………..

“I will have to talk to your father today. Do you think he will approve?” He jested, but I could tell he had nerves about it.

“Hmm..I can’t be sure. I am the favorite, you know.” I teased.

We both laughed as we walked back to my house. Hand in hand.

Before we stepped inside, I handed him my letter. 

“I wrote this last night. I was on my way to post it when I was so rudely interrupted by a proposing passerby..”

He smiled and pocketed it before giving me a chaste kiss on my forehead and turned to walk inside to ask for my hand.

My father looks positively baffled to see Mr. Darcy. I can only imagine how the conversation is carrying on.   
I can’t hear a thing through the door. I give up and pace anxiously back and forth until Darcy finally opens the door and I rush in after him. I know my father must be confused but I am so excited to share this with him.  
It has crossed his mind that this is about money. I make sure that is not the case in the least, but that I actually do love him. Very much.   
My admittance brings him to tears. He is happy for me. I know he does not yet know Darcy as I do, but in time he will.  
I embrace my father once more and run out to reunite with my Mr. Darcy. I find him near the pond behind my house reading my letter.

I sit beside him and take his hand in mine and rest my head on his shoulder.  
I wonder what he thinks of the words I wrote before his proposal this morning.

“It's true, you know.” I say. “I think I have loved you from the beginning"

He says nothing, he just grabs my chin to bring my lips up to meet his. Knowing full well my family would not approve of the contact, neither of us seem to care.  
This kiss is soft, lingering and full of adoration. I part my lips just slightly along with his and revel in the feeling of being in love, at last.

**Author's Note:**

> *disclaimer: I do not own the lines or characters I may have used from the book or movies.
> 
>  
> 
> *stay tuned for more chapters!


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